Barely Legal

The Friday after Christmas I decided I just had to turn some of my cash into a Harry Potter book. I wanted it now, right now!

I bought my book, and it was close to 11 p.m. I had eaten nothing all day but three pierogies and a rice cake and was about to pass out. I wandered over to the coffee shop to see what they could do for me in a hurry. I selected what I thought would be most likely to satisfy someone who had gone a long time without.

"Carrot cake, please. And what kind of iced tea do you have?" I said to one of the two young, boys in their late teens to early 20s. He had a canvas jacket of some kind, unkempt hair and some sort of haphazard goatee.

"Only one kind, black."

"Oh, good! I wanted black."

"What size?" said the other, slightly less hip young man.

I pondered a bit. Did I really need a big one? I've been ok with smalls in the past.

"Small."

The two of them immediately started serving me. They lackadaisically got started but were finished quickly.

"Lids are over there."

Before I knew it, I had the two things I really needed. I gave them my cash, and left an extra dollar in the tip jar.

No sooner than I got my receipt, they totally turned away from me and started talking to each other. But I wasn't quite finished yet. There was money and papers popping out, things that needed to be stuffed back in my pockets, and I was lucky if I could get everything on my person back together without letting something valuable slide out of my grasp.

The boys had no care that I was even there as I tried to compose myself before I found a place to lie back and relax with my order.

"Yeah! and there was this one called, 'Barely Legal,'" exclaimed the one to the other, who muttered something incomprehensible.

He went on, with an air of astonishment, "And another one called, 'Juggs!'"

They knew I was standing only a few feet away and could clearly hear them. I laughed that they would be so bold as to discuss porn with, well, a lady present, but I was cracking up even more that they had somehow made it to 18 without ever having heard of Barely Legal or Juggs. Haven't they ever leaned over a gas station counter? They must have been home schooled by their puritanical mothers and fathered by men who kept their dirty magazines inside hollowed out copies of The Origin of Species, someplace no one would ever dare to look.

I slowed the pace of gathering my belongings. I just had to think of a snarky comment that would embarrass them.

Ok, here's where I end this entry with the hilarious thing I said to them and their reaction. But that didn't happen. I was just too tired to think of anything.

But here are some ideas:

Barely Legal, yeah, that's one of my favorites... boys.

Hey, I was in Juggs before I had my surgery. Back sure feels better now.

Juggs, Hmm. I pegged you as more of a butt man myself.

It would be barely legal for me to say what's on my mind right now; what time do you get off?

I snickered to myself as I went over to the lids and fumbled around trying several before I found one that fit.

At the table I finally cracked open what I had really been longing for. The not quite yet legal, Harry Potter.